12/14 Palm Beach, FL
This is for real. Not something from an SNL skit. (Another weird news story from MSNBC) A 58 y/o man, Louis Lorensen, attempted to steal 11 packages of meat from a Winn-Dixie… in a motorized shopping cart scooter. As he was “rolling” out at 3mph, a child was blocking his path at the entrance. He yelled for him to move, but the boy was petrified. Lorensen ran over the childs foot and out into the parking lot.
Shortly after, he was cornered in the Winn-Dixie lot while yelling “I ain’t no punk, and I ain’t going down without a fight.”
When he was brought to the police station, he told officers “When you take these cuffs off, I’m going to punch you in the face.” Lorensen is now faced with aggravated battery on a child, larceny, possession of stolen property, and resisting arrest.