HUNTSVILLE, AL [no comment regarding the location].
A man climbed on top of a garbage can in the projects, crawled through a window, and got in bed with a woman. Yes, this story sounds like your everyday casting on the 5′oclock news. But- did I mention the victims are absolutely insane crackheads? I don’t know how the newscasters kept such a straight face. I would have shit pants.
I thought this was fake the first time I watched it… (more…)
NASA discovered a new form of bacteria while conducting a field study in Mono Lake, California. This bacteria feeds and replicates off poison (arsenic specifically) and has provoked a lot of questions. According to NASA, this will “fundamentally change the knowledge about what comprises all known life on Earth.”
What?! NASA said the findings will support efforts to search for extraterrestrial life. Why? Because this “bacteria” or “life”can grow in environments we never thought possible.
I have come up with two conclusions: Their is a wild, alien bacteria colony on the bottom of the deep sea, feeding off our garbage…spying on us and masturbating. Or- SPACE PEEPOLE EXIST!
This is for real. Not something from an SNL skit. (Another weird news story from MSNBC) A 58 y/o man, Louis Lorensen, attempted to steal 11 packages of meat from a Winn-Dixie… in a motorized shopping cart scooter. As he was “rolling” out at 3mph, a child was blocking his path at the entrance. He yelled for him to move, but the boy was petrified. Lorensen ran over the childs foot and out into the parking lot.
Shortly after, he was cornered in the Winn-Dixie lot while yelling “I ain’t no punk, and I ain’t going down without a fight.”
When he was brought to the police station, he told officers “When you take these cuffs off, I’m going to punch you in the face.” Lorensen is now faced with aggravated battery on a child, larceny, possession of stolen property, and resisting arrest.
Faelyn Ritz, an 18-year-old girl with a large appetite for both food & sex, was arrested on 5/28/12 in Tempe, Arizona after Ritz and another of her girl friends reportedly made a deal with two men to exchange sex for a meal from McDonald’s. As if agreeing to suck nuggets for a dollar burger wasn’t bad enough – the friend Ritz had with her was only 14-years-old! Now the fast food floozy is facing child prostitution charges. Apparently, Ritz told the police she had been a street walker since she was only 15, and usually charged $200 hour to be degraded. Business must have been slow that day, or her appetite gaping, as she was willing to lower her fee down to a nutritious $6 meal..
PICAYUNE, MS - According to this MSNBC news article, a naked man (Robert Hurst) was recorded frolicking around in the nude in a church cemetery. Hurst told police that he was trying to take photographs of spirit orbs. By removing his clothes, he thought the orbs would be more easily attracted to his energy..
The church has a surveillance camera in the cemetery in case of vandals. When a motion detector was activated, the camera didn’t catch any vandalism- but a nude photographer instead.
Hurst received a misdemeanor charge for indecent exposure. After turning himself in, he posted $500 bond.
First of all, screw anyone who thinks this is an embarrassment and agrees with the weatherman. This is hilarious. I live on the East Coast, and after 9,000 phone calls and txt messages, IM ALIVE. After hearing endless hype for days, the tragic result is that a small amount of households in America are without power for a couple days. What a disaster! Some people live their entire life without power. So in conclusion, I’m glad someone made a mockery of this gay wind storm. The news anchor is appalled and disgusted that people weren’t taking Irene seriously. WELL THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORM. I honor the naked man who flashed his junk.
According to this WIS News 10 article, 24-year-old Noah Smith was arrested by Oconee County sheriff’s deputies after a burglary call was made. When the police originally arrived to the scene, Smith was found lying naked inside the doorway of the victim’s home. The report says that “when the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith”
Apparently Smith was then able to run into the bedroom, where he stayed until reinforcements arrived. A deputy somehow managed to handcuff the wild burglar, but he began kicking at the officers and evading complete capture. So he was pepper sprayed. Then beat with a baton. Still, Smith kept kicking and biting at the deputies.
Finally, they threw a blanket over his head and wrestled him to the ground- where they were able to put shackles on his legs and “hog-tie” his arms.
Police found evidence in the victim’s home that suggested Noah had been high on shrooms.
But the best part? When Mr. Smith underwent a medical exam at the hospital, “medical personnel found a USB cord hanging from Smith’s rectum. An X-ray revealed the culprit — a [computer] mouse — lodged inside Smith.” He told the ER staff that he could not remember anything that happened.
“After the medical exam, he was charged with resisting arrest, 1st and 3rd degree assault a battery charges, and indecent exposure.”
Apparently, shrooms can make you immune to tasers, mace, and beat sticks. But you still can’t resist the sexual lure of computer peripheral.
Here’s another outrageous news broadcast where the reporter, Mark Jones, was somehow able to maintain his composure while interviewing crazy locals.
When this was originally broadcast on KRON 4 back in 2003, whistle tips were a fad in California that were driving whole neighborhoods insane. As seen in the video, they are a piece of metal installed inside a car’s muffler that makes an insanely loud noise that can be heard almost a mile away when the car is in motion. (“The whistles go whooo!“) Since this news report, a bill was introduced and signed into law early 2004 that banned whistle tips in California.
But this video was an instant classic that’s still circulating the net seven years later.. all thanks to Bubb Rubb and Lil’ Sis. These two “whistle fans” enthusiastically share their love of the tip and then recklessly and illegally drive away while still on camera.
“It’s decoration man, it’s just for decoration. That’s it and that’s all.”
Reporter: “You have it on your car?” Lil’ Sis: “Yeah, I got it on my car!” Reporter (super serious voice over): “It was being installed on their car.”